if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
