In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
