Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk is not a location!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
