I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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