If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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