Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
