Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
