She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
