i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
