That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
