Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
