Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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