you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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