im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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