I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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