I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
