Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
