u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
