Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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