I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You left your phone here
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