some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
