Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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