Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize