just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
