And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
