I am puke
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
