i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
