My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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