I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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