she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
