Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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