Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
