i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
