True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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