Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize