I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
