Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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