a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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