Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
