you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
