you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i came on her dog
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
