I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
