That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
