i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
