you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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