All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
