Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
