I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
