how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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