How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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