she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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