im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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