so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
