the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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