i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
