she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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