i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
A bitchslap is in order.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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