Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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