"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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