I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
