I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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