i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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