I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
