Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
