I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
