you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
