I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize