She's like a pop up book from hell.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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