Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
