So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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