Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
